My son was dying. He was being raised in a family in which he didn’t belong. He was not connecting to family members. He felt alone in a family filled home. He had everything he needed. A bedroom of his own, clothes, food, a good school, good church, a doting mother and father, counselors and physicians, a brother and sister who loved him, and yet, my son was dying.
Wasting away, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and literally. His body weak, his mind tormented, a broken heart and burdened with anxiety ridden bones. He didn’t belong and he voiced that feeling to his family. And with love and heartache, that family began to allow for their son to become my son. Choosing to relinquish their rights and their dream of adoption, in order to save their son. They chose for their son to be raised by another family. We were chosen.
I have a son because of relinquishment. I do not judge you or judge your situation. Every adoption is difficult, and every adoption will end differently. If you had hopes and dreams of being your child’s forever family, let it go. If you made the decision long ago to lose your marriage, your career, your other children, your home, and you made the decision along the way to lose everything for your adopted child, you must start making better decisions. Your adopted child must not be allowed to destroy everything. Your adopted child must not be allowed to destroy your home and your family. You must gain control of your adoption.
“But this is a promise!” “We keep our promises!” Great! Go ahead and stand by your promises and be sure to stand by it as your spouse leaves you, your other children abandon you, you end up alone anyway because your adopted child will never connect to you! Go ahead and be that martyr, taking depression medication and not truly living, it does no one any good.
“But no one will understand!” “We can’t just dump our kid!” My relinquishment experience was not a “dumping”. My husband and I have four other children, a beautiful, loving home and are capable of giving our adopted son everything he needs in this life. Just like the previous family, we can offer him all they offered and more. We already know that adoption failed, we have the mindset and peace that ours could fail also. We already are fully aware, our son may need another family along the way to see him through. Of course we give our best, we try it differently. But we may not be the answer he needs.
I don’t care about what others think, and you shouldn’t either. This is about YOU. This is about your family and your marriage and your entire life. This is still about giving your adopted child what they need, and that may not be YOU. Is your child dying? Slowly melting away, agonizing and longing for something else, someone else?
Make the decision to save your child and save your family. Choose to relinquish or choose to parent, but make the decision fully knowing that decision may have already been made by your adoption.