Smithk Moses
By Amb. Emmanuel Mwamba
"Ifwe twalepumwa" (we were regularly beaten!).
"Nga wafeluka, uka poka ama school fees ku manda" (if you fail, you will go to the Cemetery where your parents lie, and they will pay your school fees).
"Twalepumwa ku sukulu, na ku nganda!" (When you fail, both the teacher and your parents whipped you).
"My friend's father beat me for stepping on their vegetable garden, after he beat me, while crying, I begged him not to tell my parents as I was going to receive a second beating!"
These are some of the strong reactions to a video circulating on social media.
It shows a Kitwe family now identified as George Bester and his wife Musumpa seated in the family living room.
It appears the patriarch, George is giving a family lecture to his children. His temper rises while addressing someone who appears to be his eldest son.
George rises up in anger and the phone video camera clicks on, apparently from his wife.
What follows is brutal to watch.
He slaps, pokes and beats the face of the teenager and thrusts the head of the boy by pushing it underneath from the boy's chin and yanking it up.
George laments in anger how much money he spends on school fees and accuses the boy of merely being playful.
Questions have since arisen.
Why did the wife take the video?
Was it a way to document regular abuse that occurs in the home? Or was she merely careless unaware of the possible consequences?
Has George been a supportive parent to his children or merely demands good results because he spends money on the children and family?
Was the kind of disciplining meted on the boy proper or does it amount to abuse?
Wasn't he supposed to beat the boy on the backside?
Why did he beat the boy in the presence of his younger siblings including an infant?
Should he be reported to the Police for child abuse or assault?
Every parent has watched those videos with trepidation and concern, whether in approval or in horror.
For it is written that:
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." Psalm 127:3
PARENTING STYLES AND PRACTICES
So parenting styles and practices are different but have been summarized broadly by experts this way.
These are: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Uninvolved/Absent parenting
1. Authoritarian parents.
These are strict disciplinarians and are not interested in negotiating with their children. The rules are set and communication is usually one-way.
The focus here is on total obedience or the child faces consequences.
The outcome of this might be children who do very well academically and might be a disciplined lot.
But the outcome might also be that children become good liars to escape the regular strict rules and punishment.
There is another risk that children might turn up aggressive or hostile or rebellious.
A Bemba saying states that: "Imbwa yamu kali, ta isuma"(a dog raised by cruel owner is usually not aggressive or is a timid dog, exactly opposite to what the owner wanted!)
2. Authoritative Parents.
Like Authoritarian parents, authoritative parents are disciplinarians in approach but are more reasonable.
They practice attributes such as nurturing, and set high, clear expectations and rules.
The authoritarian parent makes it clear that the adults are in charge.
Researchers have found kids who have authoritative parents are most likely to become responsible adults who feel comfortable expressing their opinions
3. Permissive Parents
Parents parents are considered lenient. They often only step in when there's a serious problem.
Permissive or Indulgent parents mostly let their children do what they want, and offer limited guidance or direction.
Kids who grow up with permissive parents are more likely to struggle academically.
They may exhibit more behavioural problems as they don't appreciate authority and rules.
They often have low self-esteem and may report a lot of sadness.
4. Uninvolved/Absent Parents tend to have little knowledge of what their children are doing or upto.
There tend to be few rules. Children may not receive much guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.
Children with uninvolved parents are likely to struggle with self-esteem issues.
They tend to perform poorly in school. They also exhibit frequent behavior problems and rank low in happiness.
CONCLUSION
I also used the opportunity to take to scriptures to take a leaf of what the Holy Bible says.
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him".
Proverbs 22:15
And"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:16.
Although parenting is personal duty, the law has increasing been brought forth.
Children's rights are a subset of human rights. To this effect, many statutes, treaties and conventions pay particular attention to the rights of Childre and offers special protection and care to minors.
And the right to be protected from abuse and harm ranks highly.
