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Just a reminder > Helping Your Child Cope With Divorce

“Children ought not to be victims of the choices adults make for them, ” said Wade Horn (U. S. Assistant Secretary for Children and Families under President George W. Bush).

When the first two role models of a child live completely separate lives, it brings permanent disability to a child. It not only affects the child in the present but also in the future. Statistics have shown children who had divorced parents probably end up divorced as the sense of commitment to a lifelong marriage is undermined. They go into a marriage with unrealistic expectations, they learn about marital commitment and permanence by observing their parents which was not in their case. Still I believe children from divorced or separated families can have the best marriages. They can learn from their parents mistakes, turn the negative in their lives into something positive.

Growing up, I knew nothing about parents living separate ways, till I was 10 years and all I know is my parents were no longer living together. I can say out of experience divorce is the most painful thing a child can go through. It is hard when you are torn in between two people that you both love and are living separately. It is so hard to explain to your friends why your parents are not together and you are left with so many questions in your head like what is so different with my parents? I have seen some children affected by divorce with anger problems, violent, withdrawn, poor relations with their peers because somewhere along their growth something went wrong. We all react and deal differently but I would say my parents divorce made me a strong person. I went through depression, my grades went down and am glad I had a supportive mother that took me to a counselor and it really did help me and was always there for me. I must say raising a child as a single parent is not easy at all, i salute all the single parents out there.

One thing I have noticed from friends that have parents divorced is when the war between the two parents is put upon the child. Bouncing a child like a ball, if a child needs something they are directed to the other parent and the child does the talking. You might have separated but there will always be something that binds both of you. Don’t put your kid in your wars. If it comes to matters of your child, differences should be put aside and both of you need to sit and talk not as a couple but as parents.

Most Parents say the child will get over it soon, but truth is it stays with them. you need to come up with ways of helping your child deal with divorce or separation. Here are some few bits to help your child cope with divorce.

Tell the child the truth but let them know both of you love them and will be there for them. Most parents walk out without preparing their child for what is coming. They need to be prepared for the change and tell them that you love them no matter how simple it sounds. Avoid the blame game especially around the children, talking badly about your partner to the child. All you are doing is poisoning the child’s mind and feeding hatred which is not good for a child’s development. Remember children grasp everything they hear and see.

For kids, divorce can feel like loss: the loss of a parent, the loss of the life they know. You can help your children grieve and adjust to new circumstances by supporting their feelings. You need to encourage them, listen and reassure them they can always count on you. Many kids believe that they had something to do with the divorce, recalling times they argued with their parents, received poor grades, or got in trouble. You can help your kids let go of this misconception by assuring them the divorce has nothing to do with them and both of you love them. Your child is your top priority, I love this saying from Kimora Lee Simons that husbands come and go, money comes and goes but your children will always be there. Life can never be the same for a child when parents are divorced but try and be there every single step of their lives. They grow very fast and before you realize you lost a great moment in their lives.

“The arrangements that couples make in order to maintain civility in the midst of their journey to divorce are often most elaborate when the professed top priority is to protect a child. ”

– John Irving

Source by Hellen Alberts

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