The definition of Histrionics for our purposes is that of being excessively emotional, dramatic, seeking attention, and similar immature behaviors.
It is very difficult to keep the emotions at bay when discussing your children. This is particularly true when you are fighting for their custody and truly believe they should be with you most of the time because the other Parent is not an “ideal parent.”
Here are ten of the “don’t do’s” in a child custody evaluation or a custody or divorce trial:
1. Do not Raise your Voice – ever
2. Do not Cry
3. Do not Pout
4. Do not Whine
5. Do not Argue
6. Do not Complain
7. Do not Criticize
8. Do not Accuse
9. Do not Name Call
10. Do not Blame
Instead, act like the mature, thoughtful and insightful Parent that you are. All comments, including accusatory ones, have to be constructed in a positive light.
When you want to alert a Custody Evaluator or Family Law Judge about Faults of the other Parent, don’t begin the sentence with a reference to your spouse, i.e. his or her name, That man or That woman, She or He, That idiot… you get my point. You immediately sound like the “accuser.”
Instead, change the pronoun to “I.” This is easy. Instead of saying “She left the children alone in a hot car” or “He keeps a filthy house,” phrase it as follows:
I am concerned about the safety of our children because they tell me that their Mother leaves them in the car for long periods of time in the summer.
I am concerned about the health of our children because when I pick them up at their Father’s house, I see empty beer cans laying around, cockroaches, a filthy carpet etc.
You can see how simple it is to change from a bitchy, complaining, blaming parent to a neutral, concerned parent.
However, there is one other very important part of this communication that is essential to assure that your concerns are taken seriously. Always refer to the children as “our children,” not “my children.” There is not an easier way to alienate a child custody evaluator or a family law judge than referring to the children as “my children.”
It is a good idea to list your complaints, then rephrase them, and then practice. Practice is essential in order to get your point across and give you an opportunity to succeed in your quest to obtain Custody of Your Child.
Don’t act like a child. If you want custody of your child, then you have to be the Parent, both inside and outside of the courtroom.
Parents, in the midst of a child custody battle, or divorce often act less mature than the children they are fighting over.
Stay calm, and aloof. Don’t engage in the “battle.” Don’t respond to the other Parent’s histrionics and you will be miles ahead in your quest for custody of your child.
